"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return"
-Moulin Rouge (the main theme)

When will i learn this thing i long to experience... that remains a big fuckin mystery that is seriously starting to piss me off! I'm so sick and tired of being taken advantage of.... i'm so fucking nice n marshmellowy n everyone knows it and uses it... when am i gonna grow a pair n actually stand up for myself instead of sitting around complaining about it. i don't want to be used, i have no intention of using anyone else...

my morals and values are constantly in the way of me getting what i really want. or am i just in the way?... some subconcious form of sabotaging every potential relationship by unkowningly but carefully, calculating the most effective way of destroying it.

i don't know who i am right now because i cant figure out how to be the person i think i am... I don't need to know... I just need him. I need him to see me, to chose me... to love me. how long must i wait? is there even a point in waiting...
I guess i'll just have to follow my instincts(which i don't trust for a second by the way) and see what happens...